The >Worst Promise< I Ever Heard
Thankfully, I didn’t hear this at a wedding. Just want to make that clear, haha. I’m not outing any of my couples for having said this at a wedding. I heard this between an engaged couple:
“You are perfect just the way you are. I’m going to love you forever, just never change. Stay like this forever.”
I once heard a celebrity say after her divorce something about how she didn’t believe if people weren’t meant to stay together forever. That people change and eventually the person you married is no longer the same person years later.
I started thinking about this because of the NFL playoffs coming up. This year more than ever, I am *really* into football. Like, it’s starting to get weird. I look forward to EVERY Sunday, making soup and watching football for most of the day. But 10-15 years ago? I HATED football. Literally. I remember being so grumpy on the night of the Super Bowl in 2008. I was in college and I was an RA and Sunday was my “on duty” night. Everyone in the residence hall is watching the game and are suuuppppppeeeerrrr loud because the Giants beat the Patriots (hello, we live in NY). And I was miserable. And now here I am in 2023 and my son and I have pages written out on who were are predicting to win each playoff game and which ones we’re rooting for.
It got me thinking about how much I’ve changed since I’ve been married. I got married in the summer of 2010. So let me take you back to early 2010, 13 years ago, just before I got married.
2010: Hated football. 2023: Can’t get enough football.
2010: Atheist. 2023: Jesus freak.
2010: Never exercised. 2023: Exercise 4-5x a week.
2010: 90% of what I ate was processed. 2023: 90% of what I eat is real food.
2010: Wanted to be a teacher, working as a substitute. 2023: Wedding Videographer
These are just a few of the more surface level things that have changed. But as a person? I feel like my personality is much different (my husband agrees). I struggle with less anxiety, mood-swings, and anger than I did in 2010. I’m more intentional, calm, relaxed, and easy-going than I was 13 years ago. And I have a lot more joy. I’m definitely not the same person as I was on the day that I was a bride.
Part of this was just plain-old growing up through my 20s. Part of it was life. Our interests change. Our priorities change. In 2010 I had never seen Friends. My all-time favorite movie hadn’t been created yet. I had a different set of friends than I do now. My kids didn’t exist yet. Life happens and it’s inevitable that you’ll change. AND that your partner will change.
What’s awesome about marriage is that you can grow and change WITH someone. That’s really what marriage is ALL about. We can’t predict who the person that we’ll marry will turn into, but we’re promising to be with them on that journey. I think that’s something really important to recognize before you get married.
With a little intentionality, both partners will probably grow in positive ways. In general, we tend to become better versions of ourselves as we grow up. Of course there will be times when we’re knocked down and not showing up as our best selves, and that’s part of marriage too. Loving them when they *aren’t* at their best.
Embrace the change. Welcome the different seasons. Work together to adapt to each person changing. Partner with each other through their growth. My friend Libby, who was a Next Adventure bride a few years ago, shared similar advice in her spot on my Marriage Tip Monday series. In just a few years of being married, she’s learned the importance of loving each other through the seasons and I loved her wisdom. Check it out below!
And you know what? We’re going to keep changing. Who knows what my job will be in 13 years from now. Our kids will be adults. Who have we not met yet that will become our friends? Life will keep happening and we’ll keep loving each other through those changing seasons! Go into marriage expecting it. Keep embracing change throughout the years.
From a girl who’s changed a lot,